Thursday, September 30, 2004
On this day:

Bush vs. Kerry Drinking Game

The first debate between the Presidential candidates will be held at 8 PM Central time tonight. What better way to celebrate this American tradition than with a drinking game?

Here are the rules:

Prior to the debate, a Drinkmaster shall be designated by a majority vote of players. The Drinkmaster shall then designate one other player as the Drinkermaster's Apprentice. The Drinkmaster may be replaced at any time following his or her appointment by a majority vote of participants. In the event that a new Drinkmaster is designated, he or she shall appoint then designate one other player as Drinkmaster's Apprentice.

The Drinkmaster's duties shall be: 1) to listen intently to the questions posed to each candidate, 2) to listen even more intently to the answers given by each candidate, 3) to consult with fellow players in the determination of the number of Drinking Points to be awarded, in accordance with the rules listed below, 4) to consult with the Drinkmaster's Apprentice in the event of any disputes, and 5) to make the final determination of the number of Drinking Points to be awarded.

Drinking Points are based on audience participation, candidate behavior and appearance, and overall results. One Drinking Point is equivalent to on "appropriately sized" sip of an alcoholic beverage. "Appropriateness" of size and "alcoholicness" of beverage shall be left to the discretion of the Drinkmaster, in consultation with the Drinkmaster's Apprentice and other players. Drinking Points shall be awarded as follows:

Audience Participation
2 points - Significant applause from the audience while a question is being asked or a candidate response is being given, or during opening or closing statements (does not include introdution of candidates).

4 points - Boos are heard from the audience.

6 points - Moderator chastises audience.

8 points - A significant portion of the audience breaks out into chants (e.g. "U.S.A! U.S.A.!", "Four more years! Four more years!", "Get a life! Get a life!)

12 points - A heckler is escorted from the audience.

50 points - The audience spontaneously starts singing "Kum Ba Ya."

Candidate Behavior and Appearance - John F. Kerry

1 point - John Kerry says "I" or "I'm."

2 points - for each John Kerry head nod.

3 points - John Kerry says the word "plan", unless preceded by the word "secret" (see below).

4 points - John Kerry says the word "Vietnam" or alludes to his service there ("Band of Brothers", "served my country", "I know war, I've been there", "shot in my ass", etc.).

5 points - John Kerry says the words "diversion", "unilateral", or irresponsible", or "Texas", in reference to the administration's defense and foreign policy.

6 points - John Kerry mentions a "backdoor draft", or says the word "credibility."

7 points - John Kerry says "tax cuts for the rich.

8 points - John Kerry mentions "Karl Rove." 20 bonus points if lightning strikes within 30 seconds of the utterance.

9 points - John Kerry says "secret plan."

10 points - John Kerry speaks in French.

100 points - John Kerry announces that since he is polling so badly and his wife is running out of money, he is handing the Democratic nomination over to Howard Dean.

Candidate Behavior and Appearance - George W. Bush

1 point - George Bush says "we" or "we're"

2 points - George Bush says "coalition."

3 points - George Bush refers to Mr. Kerry as "my opponent."

4 points - for each George Bush "chuckle" (oh, c'mon, you know what I mean..."hyah- hyuh -hyuh")

5 points - George Bush says "Massachusetts."

6 points - George Bush mangles his syntax (not necessarily pronunciation.)

7 points - George Bush pronounces "nuclear" as "nucular."

7 points - George Bush creates a word that does not appear in any dictionary of the English language.

8 points - George Bush mentions "opportunity" in the same sentence as "Iraq."

9 points - George Bush speaks in Spanish

10 points - George Bush says, "Make no mistake."

50 points - George Bush says, "John Kerry is a girlie man."

Candidate Behavior and Appearance - General

2 points - John Kerry has a deeper tan than George Bush.

10 points - George Bush alludes to John Kerry's tan. (+10 if he compares it to a fruit.)

3 points - John Kerry exceeds his time limit.

6 points - George Bush exceeds his time limit.

5 points - John Kerry breaks a sweat (one time only).

10 points - George Bush breaks a sweat (one time only).


1 point for each "politician point" captured on camera (i.e. pointing, but to no particular individual in the audience.)