Frenchman Dreams of Life in Red State America

Yes, there are conservatives in France. One of them, Fred Gion, wants to move to Texas, and writes about it in today's Dallas News. Registration is required for the link, so here's what Mr. Gion had to say:

Since the re-election of President Bush, I've been reading on American blogs and newspaper Web sites that lots of you, particularly in the Blue States, are talking about leaving your country for more culturally hospitable nations, like Canada, or even my native France.

Well, I can be of assistance. I can even help one of you would-be expatriates relocate here to Paris. My apartment is on the market, because I don't like it here anymore! I want to immigrate to Red State America...

I mean it. I've just filled an entry form for the annual diversity visa lottery administered by the U.S. government. I've done it for the fifth time, and now the odds are on my side.

I'm not in a rush. I'm not running from anything. I've got a comfortable life here. It's just that someday, I want to marry and have a family, and I don't want to raise my kids in France, or in Europe. The hope of the future, as I see it, is in America.

See, I want my green card because I need smiles, not the constant pouting we live with in France. I want to live where people are happy with their lives and confident about what's to come. I want to live among people like those I saw at the Republican convention, which I stayed up late to watch on CNN International. Those folks looked like they were fun to be with. They looked optimistic, pleased to be there, none more than that successful European immigrant, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I have a strong faith, but I'm not exactly what you'd call religious. What scares me about French society today, though, are the consequences of total faithlessness. The French are sarcastic, cynical, greedy – and miserable. Is this despair the price of throwing away our religious traditions?

My family and I will be safer in America. Aside from Tony Blair, I don't think European leaders really understand the stakes in this war on Islamic terrorism. President Bush does. I deeply respected Sen. John Kerry, but I am reassured by Mr. Bush's re-election.

I can't take anymore the arguments with my countrymen every time I say I support Mr. Bush. I'm sick of the smug, condescending responses I get, as if it were impossible to consider that maybe, just maybe, Mr. Bush is right. France is paralyzed by what we call la pensée unique – this idea that there is only one way to think about issues. It's killing all forms of discussion.

A huge majority of the French people doesn't want to know what Mr. Bush's program really is about. They just want to insult him by calling him a cowboy. But a cowboy is what I want to be! (Well, maybe only on weekends.) That's why, to be perfectly honest, I want to settle down in Texas.

Yes, Texas, which strikes the cool and the connected in Paris and New York as horribly unfashionable. Hey, sounds good to me! I want my kids to learn how to ride a horse instead of a moped. I want a simpler life, closer to nature and closer to my neighbors. The people whose attitude exhausts me look down their noses at Texas – which is an argument this Lone Star wannabe finds persuasive.

In the end, I want to move to Red America because I know I'll belong. I don't know what happened to the French joie de vivre, and I'm tired of looking for it. But I cast my gaze across the Atlantic, and the values I see in the American character are a beacon calling me ... home.

So, if I'm lucky enough to win a visa in the lottery, I have everything planned. I won't fly to America – too fast, too modern. I'll take the boat, like my great-great uncles did at the beginning of the 20th century. I want to see the Statue of Liberty from the deck, my beautiful French cousin welcoming me at the threshold of my new life. Then, I'll drive all the way from New York City to Texas, to slowly shake off the alien in me.

Yes, this is only a dream, but it's my American dream, and I hope it comes true. To Americans dreaming about leaving your country, good luck and bon voyage. Don't forget to leave the light on. I wasn't born in Texas, but I'm getting there as fast as I can.