UA Requires Mandatory Diversity Training for Student Government Candidates

Candidates for Student Government at the University of Alabama are attending a mandatory leftist indoctrination diversity training session this evening. Someone must really think it's important - the announcement is written in all caps on the UA SGA's web site:

ALL EXECUTIVE AND SENATE CANDIDATES AND/OR THEIR CAMPAIGN MANAGERS MUST ATTEND THE ENTIRE DIVERSITY EXPERIENCE!

The diversity experience...sounds like a wonderful idea. There's no more fitting place to celebrate the diversity of ideas than on a university campus. Unfortunately, the type of "diversity training" that's in store for UA's student leaders doesn't place much value on ideas - at least not those that challenge the politically correct orthodoxy that currently rules on campus. One thing is guaranteed at these seminars - intellectual diversity is not to be tolerated. There will be lots of talk about oppression and oppressors. Lots of talk about race, gender, and sexual orientation.

And, the message will be pretty clear: People are defined by their race, gender, and sexual orientation. Black people think alike. White people think alike. Gay people think alike. Straight people think alike. You can never fully understand what it's like to be part of another group, so don't even try. Just realize where you fall on the oppressor vs. oppressee scale, and act accordingly.

If you are an oppressor, you should feel very guilty. You should attend rallies and light candles. Be understanding when oppressees incite riots and light buildings on fire.

If you are an oppressor, you should be philanthropic. You should organize silent auctions and donate the proceeds to charity. Be sympathetic when oppressees loot stores downtown, and be sure not to complain when they demand to keep their brand new TV sets.

If you are an oppressor, you should be generous. Write your Congressman and ask him to support more government spending for the poor and disaffected. This should make it less likely that oppressees will smash the windows of the dirty rich bastards whose tax dollars provided their last check.

If you are an oppressor, you should value diversity. Attend or organize a diversity training seminar at least once a year. Just be wary of allowing any "unusual" ideological views to pop up. Those rascally conservatives can be quite convincing sometimes, and you wouldn't want to let one of them speak up too much.