Ant wars

When you grow up in the country, you are constantly searching for new ways to entertain yourself. So, when I came across this story, I was reminded of one of my favorite childhood pastimes. It went something like this:

Needed: One shovel, two ant beds

Step 1: Identify two suitable anthills, separated by a distance of about 50-100 yards.

Step 2: Using the shovel or a stick, "stir up" the ants in bed #1. Your goal here is to piss 'em off real good. Place the displaced dirt from the mound such that the disturbed ants remain concentrated as much as possible in the area nearest to the mound.

Step 3: Go to bed #2 and shovel off as much of the mound as possible, keeping the dirt and ants in the shovel.

Step 4: Take the shovel and its contents and quickly go back to bed #1.

Step 5: Unload the dirt and ants from bed #2 onto bed #1.

Step 6: Take a (big) stick and mix everything up as much as possible. Be careful not to get bitten. If ants crawl up the stick and approach your body, either shake them off or get a new and bigger stick.

Step 7: Once you have given the two sets of ants the best possible chance of making each other's acquaintance, go find something else to do. For instance, if you have a string of firecrackers available, you might go find another ant bed and position them throughout the base of the mound, making sure that their fuses touch...then light them and enjoy the spectacle. Add a small amount of gasoline, and it can be even more fun.

Step 8: Return to bed #2 at hourly intervals, taking note of the number of dead ants.

Step 9: The next day, return again to bed #2, and note how the ants have stacked the dead in piles surrounding the bed. (Scientists have found that these ant "cemeteries" are arranged in patterns. See here.)

Step 10: Consider the implications of this experiment for American foreign policy. (Just kidding!)