Wednesday, September 22, 2004
On this day:

India U.N. Update

A high-level source in the intelligence community tells me that there is more than meets the eye to the appeal by India to become a permanent member of the U.N. Security Council. I must say that some of this is pretty disturbing. This is all a little convoluted, but it sheds a new light on India's request.

We are all aware of the ongoing tensions between India and Pakistan. Well, it seems that these tensions are not confined to the South Asia theater. Communications intercepts at the time of the last flareup in 2001 indicated that the origins of that that dispute were traced to rivalry between two 7-11 stores in Hoboken, New Jersey. One of the stores was owned by a distant relative of former Indian prime minister Vajpayee and the other was owned by a boyhood friend of Pakistani President Musharraf.

On August 14, 2001, Pakistani Independence Day, a suspicious package arrived at the Indian-owned store with the following note attached: "You must mooooove or more will follow...Happy Independence Day". The startled store manager called the police, who determined that the package was safe and opened it to find the skull of a Brahma bull. Needless to say, passions erupted and soon news of the outrage spread back to India and culminated in a tense military standoff. War was averted when President Pervez Musharraf agreed to buy his boyhood pal a new store in South Florida in return for a commitment by Vajpayee to stop spamming his office with e-mails addressed to "General Perv".

However, there are lingering hard feelings in India. The new prime minster there, Manmohan Singh, a Sikh, has assured his nation's Hindu population that he will pursue a permanent seat on the Security Council to ensure that such insults do not recur.

Just remember, you heard it here first.