Bush responds to Chavez's remarks

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez delivered a speech at the United Nations yesterday in which he called President Bush "the devil" and complained that the podium still "smelled of sulfur" following Bush's speech there on Monday.

Today, responding to a reporter's question, the President addressed Mr. Chavez's remarks:

To the best of my knowledge, I am not the devil. Sure, there was that time in 1980 when I supported my father for President against Ronald Reagan, but I have since realized my mistake. Besides, the Bible says to honor your father and mother, does it not? That's what I did. Still, if anyone would know the devil's voice when he hears it, it's Hugo Chavez. Since he may know something I don't, I have no choice but to concede that there is some small possibility - however remote - that I am, in fact, the devil.

One thing I know for certain, though, is this: there was no "smell of sulfur" at that podium when I stood there. In fact, the only person who has complained about it so far has been Hugo Chavez.

There's a reason for that. Word has it that Mr. Chavez, upon his arrival in New York, was seen at a local diner eating a huge bowl of chili con carne y con mucho frijoles. He also ordered a second bowl on his way out, telling the waitress that he would have it for breakfast the next morning before he went over to the U.N. Now, Mr. Chavez says he smelled something, and I have no reason to doubt the man, but I've eaten a few bowls of chili in my lifetime, and I am well aware of its effects. Mr. Chavez isn't fooling anyone here; he should 'fess up and stop blaming other people. As we say in Texas, "whoever smelt it dealt it."

Thank you all, and may God bless America.